How I Became a Humanist Celebrant- An Introduction to the Role
A few years ago, I left my very rewarding and very comfortable public service job. I had worked as a secondary school teacher for many years before joining the adult education sector. I loved working in education, being constantly challenged by students, working as part of a team, reaching for very clear targets with loads of fun and camaraderie along the way. I miss a lot about it and don’t rule out returning to some form of tuition at some stage in my life on a parttime basis. There was always the possibility of something else, throughout my career. It wasn’t ever about promotion- promotion within the education system, as far as I could see, meant you were taken further away from the students and more towards administration. That never appealed to me. I wanted to be more connected but in a different way.
When the opportunity to train as a Humanist Celebrant arose, I grabbed it with both hands. I knew that this was what I was looking for. I had been thinking about it for quite some time and felt that I could make a good stab at it. All the skills, I had acquired in my career pointed me in this direction. It was a fairly straightforward decision.
‘Oh! What’s that?’ Is a common response when I tell people that I am now a Humanist celebrant. The short answer is that I officiate at Weddings, Funerals, Baby Namings and other life celebrations. But what does that really mean? Let’s break it down.
Humanist Ceremonies are different from all other ceremonies. They are a non-religious or secular rituals where people gather to mark important events in their lives. It is a uniquely designed and personalised occasion where family or individual beliefs and values are cherished and acknowledged. It is a telling or sharing of a distinctive story in a meaningful, ordered and deliberate way. A Humanist Celebrant's role is to ensure that the Humanist Ceremony is created and presented as required.
Firm Foundations-Humanist Principles
Humanist Celebrants are often atheist or agnostic. Most live their lives with no reference to any god or deity of any kind. The majority of Humanist Celebrants are not anti-religious but rather non-religious. We try to live our lives based on the principles or reason, compassion and equality. We follow the science and look to our own moral codes for life signposts. We question dogma rather than adhere to ‘revealed’ creeds. Our ceremonies reflect this.
As a Humanist Celebrant, I must be sure that the values and beliefs of the person or family are truly being celebrated in the ceremony, but I must also be sure that these are in line with Humanist principles. I ask people why they have chosen a Humanist ceremony, so we are all clear at the outset. Most people are adamant that they want a secular ceremony.
On occasion, I have been asked to include something ‘spiritual but not really religious’ but there can be no reference to supernatural world or any act of worship in a Humanist ceremony. I may offer some sample readings to people to guide them, in some cases we, may have to adapt a piece if it is something they really like. I have also been asked if it okay for a priest (who may be a family friend) to give a blessing at the end. I have no problem with the blessing as long as it happens outside of the Humanist Ceremony. I say my closing words and step back to make it clear that I am handing over to somebody else.
To Make a Long Story Short-Humanist Telling Tales
One of the greatest joys in being a Humanist Celebrant is being part of the story telling. Our ceremonies are formalised, deliberate rituals that celebrate a specific moment, but they are just one instant in the context of a whole live. My role as a celebrant is to listen to the story and tell it in an ordered and meaningful way.
When I meet with my clients, I listen, I ask questions and try to get to know them. I want to be sure that I hear their story and understand how they want to tell it. This does not happen with just one meeting. We will communicate for a while, emailing back and forth, as we try to build up a picture. I will ask many questions and give suggestions, so we have a clear outline. Only then will I begin writing the ceremony.
The story will be different for each celebration.
For a Humanist Wedding, the couple are at the very centre. We often share how they met, what their life is like together, how the proposal went and why they are getting married. All of this comes from the couple themselves. I always make a point to the couple that I do not preach about what their relationship should be like or what makes the perfect marriage. They know their relationship far better than me and I am neither competent nor capable of offering marriage guidance. We are celebrating not training. A Humanist Wedding also has legal weight. The couple’s story will be forever changed in the eyes of the law after their wedding. Celebrants accredited by the Humanist Association of Ireland
are the only legal, secular celebrants in Ireland.
In a Humanist Baby Naming ceremony, we welcome the new life into the family and tell the story of how life has changed since the pregnancy and the arrival. The parents and guardians share their hopes and dreams for the child. We speak of the values that are important to the family and how they intend to foster them in the child. In Transgender Naming Ceremonies we celebrate individuals who choose a new name after transitioning. Having a deliberate, formalised dramatic celebration of this event can be immensely important as a symbol of acceptance for the family and friends but also for the individual themselves as they tell a different story from now on.
Telling the story at a Humanist Funeral is a very poignant and powerful experience. I find it very moving. These are the last public words likely ever to be spoken in a formal way about the person who has died. I meet with the family and ask them ‘What the person was like’?’ It is an open question that can lead anywhere, and it offers a real opportunity for the family to reflect. During the funeral ceremony we will probably mention a little about what the person did, but my main objective is to tell people what he or she was like. I want people to know him or her when they leave. Families I have worked with always tell me afterwards that this is what is special about a Humanist Funeral.
Another celebration that calls for a Humanist Celebrant like a Coming-of-Age Ceremony. It is a marking of a very important step in the life of the young person moving from childhood to adulthood. It can be really empowering for the young person as they get to tell their own story for the first time in a meaningful way. They get to talk about their joys and ambitions, their principles and goals. The young person grows so much in confidence through all the preparation and performance of the ceremony. It’s wonderful!
Making it Happen-the Role of Facilitation
I have mentioned that I do not preach during a ceremony. I couldn’t think of anything worse really. But in the preparation of the ceremony, there has to be a bit of guidance. Many people I work with have no clue what they want in their ceremony, and some will have a few ideas from Humanist ceremonies they attended but it all requires fine tuning. I will always give an outline of what is possible, suggest readings, symbolic gestures, vows, ways to involve people, timing and flow but it is all about how it reflects them on the day.
My job on the day is to guide the proceedings, relax them if they are nervous, steady the ship if they are overwhelmed. I am the manager, I oversee each step in the ceremony, ensuring that everyone is clear about what is happening. I want those celebrating to enjoy and soak up the moment and not have to worry about anything. An odd time there is a little glitch- a reader may get cold feet or the venue sound system breaks down, but I have already set the tone of calm so that no matter what happens, we can deal with it in good humour. I want people to feel different in some way leaving the ceremony; uplifted, hopeful, joyful, appreciated and yes, special. It is true what Maya Angelou says, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
There's Room for All of Us-Humanist Inclusivity
We know that the person is at the centre of a Humanist ceremony. We celebrate lives, loves human connections and shared experiences. As a Humanist Celebrant I must keep this to the fore. We are gathering as a collective not in private and so must be mindful of all who are gathered. I may not share the beliefs of some of the people in the gathering, but it does not mean that they are ignored. If all the people are there out of love, they are welcome. I have had couples tell me that their parents are very disappointed that there are not marrying in a church, or they are not baptising their child, but I have never had any feedback where religious parents were upset with the Humanist Ceremony. Never! It holds some value for everyone.
As a Humanist celebrant I am inclusive and respect diverse backgrounds, cultures, and orientations. I try to create ceremonies that resonate with people regardless of their religious beliefs. It is a ‘Humanist’ celebration. We are all gathered in our shared humanity with all our frailties and fortes. We are all different. My grandad used to say, ‘There’s room for all of us.’ And he was right.
The Role In a Nut Shell-Conclusion
I often reflect on why I love this job and why I think I am good at it. Working as a teacher and adult educator has taught me how to listen, problem solve, plan, meet targets, laugh at myself, lead. My hobbies as a ukulele player and choir member have taught me rhythm, community and teamwork. My activism has taught me compassion, agency and humility. My wife has taught me patience, honesty and partnership. I am lucky that I have a lot of very positive people in my life and have been in many great learning situations. Working as a Humanist Celebrant is one of the greatest honours of my life. I get to connect with people in situations out of the ordinary and celebrate their lives in a meaningful and authentic way. I get to share and mark their milestones in a way that resonates with their personal stories and values from birth to grave or as one colleague described it, ‘Hatches, Matches and Dispatches!’.
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